Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

May the New Year bring you happiness, health and peace! 

MC

Bloggers and Blogging and BlogReading, OH MY!

In a previous post, I wrote about
http://lifeisgood-mc.blogspot.com/2009/10/ok-now-im-hungry.html
reading Julia Childs book, My Life in France.   (I do have to learn how to make words into links...  anyone have a simple explanation?)  It was interesting, and made me hungry!  Well, today I watched the movie Julia and Julie.  It was cute, and definitely worth a rental!  (Thank God for Netflix on snow logged days)

It's been a good weekend, (so far).  Friday night a much beloved niece graduated from college, with a major in Nursing.  There was a lovely ceremony for just the Nursing department grads.  Afterwards, there was a family party.  Everyone was relaxed and really seemed to have a great time.  Saturday was shopping in the next state, at this HUGE mall.  I've been looking for a converter to play my old VHS-C sized home movies in a regular VCR, so I can get someone to load them onto DVD's for me.  I hate the technology change overs....especially when it's old home movies.  I've already done the Super 8 to VCR conversions in the 80's  LOL   Isn't once enough?  Anyway,  Best Buy had one!  SCORE!  I helped a faux niece find a lovely dress for New Years Eve, she's a TALL girl, and everything seems like a micro mini on her....  this dress was short, but cute, a liitle formal but she looked like a million in it.  Isn't it great that I can get as excited over her dress as I would be if I had found one????  We hit a coat outlet, where she found a Micheal Kors long coat, and her sister found a dressy P  Coat style, so shopping was a success.  We went to a family party (the faux family) and saw folks I haven't seen in a year or two, and came back to our state to watch the Devils hockey game on a big screen.  I left for home about 10p, just as the snow was really hitting!  After a quick stop to ShopRite for snacks for today, I hunkered in.    

I got up today, dug out the car, scrubbed the bathroom, (oh the mundane chores of life) and read blogs for a LONG time.  I watched 2 movies while I played on the computer.  I am now (seriously) going to log off and write Christmas cards.  If they don't hit the mail tomorrow morning, they'll turn into New Years cards!!!  Thanks to all the interesting peopkle who blog....  You made my day!   Hope you all had a relaxing weekend, are staying (or getting) stree free for the holiday, and are taking time to enjoy the 'now'!  MC

Pioneer Woman's Booksigning in NYC

I've read other blogs, but I keep reading Pioneer Woman's on a daily basis.  She has the BEST recipes, a wealth of knowledge about photography, and just plain interesting stories about her family and their life.  She wrote a cookbook, and has been on a book tour recently.  I went to NYC to Chelsea Market to meet her.  She was warm and humerous, and the crowds were great.  We chatted with another woman behind us in line....and I confess, I wanted to ask her a million questions about herself.  Why is it when I meet a blogger, I want to fill in the gaps, and get waaayyyy too person very quickly?    If you ever get a chance to visit Chelsea Market, do so!  It's a collection of food stores, bakeries, gift shops, etc.  There were wonderful finds to be had!  What a good day!  Have you ever met someone in person after you've read their blog?   Do your perceptions of them from their postings match your in-person impressions?  Are all bloggers as curious about people as I am?  Let me know!

I'm Excited!

I'm just back from a laundry/dinner/shopping kind of evening.  I went to pick up a few copies of the Pioneer Woman's cookbook because she's doing a meet and greet in NYC tomorrow, and I'm going!  Should be fun!  I wanted to bring my camera, so I had to (finally) upload all the photos on it to my laptop...and it's not my strongest skill.  I had over 200 photos that needed to be sorted and filed.  Whew.  That's done...
   I've always been interested in photography....  Sheesh, was it really a decade ago????,  I had a Pentax SLR that seemed attached to me at all times.  My oldest nephew was married in early December, it seems soooo long ago by now.  I had a bunch of rolls (undeveloped) in the bag, and a half used roll in the camera.  My home was robbed, and everything was taken.  I mean, they unplugged the answering machine and took it.  They left the furniture, and my clothes...but everything else was gone.  I mourned the loss of the family photos, especially of such a joyous occasion.  (Get the tissues ready....)  My next oldest nephew was killed in a train accident that February.  JP was gone. I totally lost interest in restarting my 'hobby'.  It was pointless.  Of course, little by little, point and shoot cameras crept into my life, then a digital, then a slightly better one.  (Tissue time over)   For the past 2 years, I've had some serious digital SLR envy.  This year, I broke down, and bought the Nikon D5000.  Well, not just this year, just a few weeks ago, so I would have it for Thanksgiving, and my glider flight.....  I love it.  I am so happy with this 'new toy'. 

I bought the 2 lens package, and should have gotten another memory card (or two) to keep things organized.  So far, we've done a photo shoot for families at a local nursing home, and have been requested to return on New Years Eve, to photograph other families.  I think I've changed again!  I have another hobby, one I've let go dormant for a decade, but one I love and have missed!  HURRAH for taking a step backwards occasionally.  More posts tomorrow after the book signing!  MC

Citizens on Patrol!

Last night, I 'graduated' from Citizen Police Academy.  It's a course taught by the local Police department.  It's to make you more aware of the Police activities, and to be a better citizen, more aware of your community.  It was about 7 or 8 weeks.  Each night we did something different (always under their supervision).  We ran mock traffic stops, and were given scenarios that had actually occurred to officers.  We saw tapes of their stops, and some tragic outcomes from around the country.  We were allowed to the local academy computerized firing area, and had to decide in a split second, if to pull a gun, and to aim, and fire and see our results on the life sized screens.  We also later went to an indoor firing range at the headquarters, and under MUCH supervision, shot at targets.  For a peace loving child of the 60's, I was AMAZED at how much fun shooting was.  I don't know if it would be as good if I was hunting animals, or God forbid, shooting at a person, but target shooting was really challenging!
     We also spent an evening with the medical examiner, who walked us through an autospsy (in photos), and then showed us the equipment used in investigations.  She also showed us slides of some of her more 'interesting' cases. WOW.  A forensic detective spent 3 of the most intense hours reviewing slides of his cases, and investigations.  People's inhumanity towards each other still shocks me.  A gang expert spoke on the current situations, and we were horrified to see that my Beloved Barnes and Noble sells a coloring book portraying gangs and their lifestyles.  For real!  Who would buy this for a kid? Seriously????  Can there be that big a gangster market for coloring books?  As a grand finale, we visited the State Prison, the maximum security one.  We were cat-called as we walked through, shown the infirmary, living areas, showers, etc.  It ended with an hour long session with members of the Prisoners Speakers Bureau.  These are long timers, with good behavior, who volunteer to meet with civic groups and spend some time with us in the library there.  We were in groups of 3 Academy students to 1 prisoner.  We could ask them anything about their crimes, prison life, reforms needed, drug use 'inside', etc.  Eye opening.
   Well, that was my Wednesday nights for the past couple of months.....  Have you ever taken a course for just no reason at all other than it tickled your fancy?  Try it sometime....  change is good for the soul!  MC

Ugg Boots Contest

I have seen EVERYONE and I mean everyone wearing Ugg Boots for the past few years. I just couldn't see me wearing them, until I saw the chocolate short boot on this website (Wooga website). AND there was a contest, and I do so love contests. In order to win, you have to publish a post about their website, boots, and here it is!
Do you own Uggs? Love, like or hate? Socks or no socks? Do you wear them in the rain and snow, or are they for 'show'? Fill me in! MC

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Turkey Day!  (a day late)

My Thankful Post

I have so much to be thankful for.  In the past year, I survived a very serious bout of illness.  It could have gone either way, and I made it thru.  Have the scars to prove it, and , I suspect, a few wiring snafu's in the cranium, but, all in all,  I am most thankful for the outcome.  During this time, I think I learned (relearned) how much I value calm and peaceful times.  I've never been good at drama, wasn't one of 'those girls' and I dislike it even more now.  There isn't too much that can't be waited out, or given some time to work itself out.  If it's important, make it into a deal, but be damn sure it's important.  I've learned that admitting you need help isn't the worst thing in the world.  It's hard, but not impossible.  Offering to help someone is a cinch compared to asking for some.    I'm thankful for family and friends, who sat vigil in the ICU and hospital rooms, and didn't make fun of me when I (seriously) told them 'night nurses do bad things to you'.  They stayed when I needed them, and kept me sane.  I'm thankful I have a job that lets you bank sick time, so I had years of it saved.  I didn't go broke being out sick, and I was able to keep my house and health insurance intact.  I'm glad I had my job to go back to.  I'm grateful for the prayers of friends, and impressed by the prayers of strangers.  I met someone months later who said "Oh, you're K's friend, we prayed for you at our church, and wondered what happened when your name came off the list!"    I'm thankful that 3 months after returning to work, I was well enough to drive myself to Cambridge, MA to cheer on my best niece as she graduated from law school.  (yep, that school, but she gets embarassed when I boast).  and to drive back the same day....  what's a few hundred miles when you're feeling good!

   Due to the past few years weight loss, I was able to park and walk to the ceremony, manuever thru the crowds, cross a grassy area and walk back.  I wore a simple suit I bought in a department store, and didn't have to hunt for weeks for something that fit!  I've been able to travel more, to take that niece to New Orleans for a week, eat drink, and make merry, and keep up with her.  I'm thankful that I can actively participate in, and not be an observer, in my own life.    I'm thankful that I can plan to make changes, and work towards them.    I'm thankful that tomorrow, I'm going to fly in a glider plane.  I'll get to float thru the air, commune with nature, and not have to worry about the weight limit!  What are the things you are thankful for?

    

Weight Loss How'd ya do it?

                                                      DS DS DS DS DS DS DS DS DS DS

I've been asked how I lost my weight.  For the record, I've lost 263 pounds since November of 2006.  I had weight loss surgery.  Oh my!  I have always been very open and forthright about having surgery.  For my friends, they got to live the 2 1/2 years prior to surgery with me, where I was appealing the decisions of the insurance company not to pay, and finally taking them to court.  They (BC/BS) were willing to pay for a lap band or a gastric bypass.  I had decided I needed a Duodenal Switch, and found a surgeon that does all type of weight loss surgery.  When I saw him and reviewed my medical history, he also thought that the DS was the right one for me. 
     There are several types of weight loss surgery (WLS).  Lap bands cinch in the stomach, allowing only a very small amount of food to pass through.  (My surgeon said one good Italian sub, and I'd burst the band).  There a RNY, popularly known as the 'gastric bypass'.  It creates a pouch out of the stomach, and reroutes the intestines.  You still have to eat low fat, low sugar, small amounts....and there's something that happens frequently, known as dumping syndrome.  Not all folks experience this, it's like a shaking, nauseous, lay on the floor in a curled up ball for an hour sensation.  (Google it on you tube, it's scary).  The DS has the most surgical risks, it involves reshaping the stomach like a banana, but leaves the pyloric valve intact, so no vomiting/foaming.  It reroutes the intestines, so (here's the kicker) you only absorb 20% of the fat you eat, 50% of the protein and 80% of the carbs!  Great you say....  the down side is...  in order to make sure you are not vitamin deficient, you have to faithfully take supplements daily for the rest of your life.   You must eat twice the protein of a 'normal' adult, in order to get in the right amount.  Good thing, you get to eat full fat cheeses, and dairy products, like butter, milk, etc because you only absorb 20% of them.  Of course, this means you NEED to be on top of your fat soluable vitamins always...  Yin and Yang...  Up and Down...  Good and Bad...  I take Vitamin D and K, the fat soluable vitamins in amounts that scare most non-WLS doctors. I take multi's, calcium, iron, and probiotics.  I get bloods drawn every 6 months, and the vitamins get adjusted accordingly.  For me, this is easy peasy, compared to managing my diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiac abnormalities, arthritis, etc etc etc.  Most of these have resolved completely, or improved since the weight loss.  
    Besides the scale, I also have non-scale celebrations.  Things that aren't directly connected to the numbers of pounds lost, just good things that are related.  I can walk further, almost keep up with a 5 year old, buy clothes in almost any store, fit (comfortably) in a plane or theatre seat, and so on. 
     I had always refused the let my fat get in the way of my life.  I completed an advanced degree, traveled, dated as much as I was asked, worked in a field I love, in a job I enjoy, and actively participated in my profession and family.  I just really hated being judged by my size and not my capabilities.  I thought I had to be better, or work harder just to even the playing field.  Now, I think I can relax a bit more, and not have to try so hard.
   So, there's my weight loss story.  If anyone is thinking of having WLS, my advice is Research all the types.  Pick the one you think you can live a long and healthy life with, then find the best surgeon for that type.  Don't pick a surgeon first, and then the type because Would a Ford dealer sell you a Volkswagon?  A surgeon is going to recommend the type of surgery he is familiar with, the kind he does well, and not recommend something he isn't versed in.  If possible, do what I did.  Find a surgeon who does ALL the types, and see what he recommends.  Research the long term success rates.  Make friends with people who have had your type of surgery, maybe at a support group.  They'll be a valuable resource for that first year!
    I hope this answered any questions.  I'm (REALLY) into talking about me, and will answer any questions honestly.  I will also refer you to experts if it's stuff I don't know!  What do you think about WLS?  Have you had it?  Was it successful for you?

Update on Changes

You know that feeling I described in my beginning blogs?  The one where I feel something's going on, there's something that's going to happen, but I just can't put my finger on it....  I decided to do a pre-emptive strike, and make some changes myself, in areas I COULD control, and see what would happen.  I've been dressing better, using makeup, making an attempt (although feeble) to cook more and eat more at home, etc....   changing things I can control.  I also mentioned trying to date.  I am completely out of touch with this skill (if you can call it that) and realize I need more help.  I've tried to start conversations in bookstores, on lines in the grocery, etc, but I feel so stilted and awkward.  I filled out a profile on a online matchmaking site, but never went as far as actually paying the fee.  I now get PLENTY of emails from the site, trying to convince me to join, and giving me glimpses of men that 'may' match, but you don't get any contact info or mail until you pay.  So, after several weeks of going back and forth with "Is this how I want to meet someone?" and the more powerful "Who have you met on your own lately????", I've decided this is the weekend!  I'm going to go to one of the biggies, like eharmony or match.com, fill out the profile, post a current picture, and see what happens.  This could get very interesting or really creepy!
   Has anyone started dating after a LONG hiatus?  What were the results?  Has anyone used an online site?  Which one?  Share a story!

Should Food Make You This Happy?

     Today was a furlough day from work, one of those 'unpaid holidays' forced upon workers as a cost savings measure.  I have one a month, and I'm trying to be positive about it.  Two days ago, I was shopping with a friend, and we ran into a local food market, and as I passed the fish counter, I saw a sign!  Nope, not a gift from God, a regular sign, saying "Russian King Crab Legs  $6.99".  If you're a crab lover, you know that's about the average price for snow, not King crab, so I grabbed two pounds....  for today. 

     I stayed up late last night, playing on the computer, and watching TV, and slept in late today.  I woke up, stayed in my pajams, and watched a movie.  Read a book I've been working on.  THEN I made lunch.  I steamed the legs in some Chardonney, with lemon slices and garlic, and ate them drizzled with garlic butter.  Yummy!!!!  Then, I got concerned.  I mean, I've lost a ton of weight....  am I supposed to let food make me this happy?  Is that a warning sign of an eating problem?  Have I learned nothing about myself in the past few years?  wow....  then I went back into the kitchen and finished the legs.  Yep, I decided food is allowed to make you happy.  It can't be the sole source of the happiness in your life, but it's perfectly OK for it to be a contributing factor.  I was also happy about my pajama day, and reading books, and napping.  I wasn't happy about the loss of a days pay, but thats out of my control.  I can control the other things, and I made it an MC day.  It's almost bedtime, and I'm still in my pajama's.  I read the rest of my book, watched a few TV shows, emptied the dishwasher.... and thats about it.  I don't get a lot of 'do-nothing' days, and today made me happy. 
     I do worry about regaining weight.  I can't imagine going back to being 430 pounds....  I just can't.  It would be too hard, now that I there's so much more I can do physically being smaller.  I just can't ever let that concern suck the joy out of simple pleasures, like crab legs on a day off. 
    What simple things make you happy, and do you worry about them?

Small Town Life

I was rushing off to work today.... always running late because I am definitely not a early AM person.  I am a 9 to 5 person trapped in a 7 to 3 world!  (sigh)  Anyway,  I navigated thru the side roads and made it to a main street, and after waiting a lifetime at the Big Intersection (the one with the traffic light, TWO gas stations and the diner!) I made it about 3 blocks, and then... wirrrr  wirrrr  wirrr eeee ahhhh  eeeee  ahhh  (imitate siren noises here)  I saw flashing lights and an ambulance heading towards me.  Everyone on the road, about 6 cars, immediately pulled to the right and stopped.  I'm not sure why, but I was so touched by the immediate response gene that kicked in with my townies....  we'll (hopefully) never know who was in the ambulance, or what happened to them, but everyone wanted to do the right thing, and give them a fighting chance to get to the local hospital quickly and in one piece. 

I hated living in a small town growing up,  I wanted out in the worst way  (and LOL that's how I got out).  I came back to a town one town over from where I grew up, settled in, and have been very happy here.  I do the usual stuff, attend an occasional town meeting, join a night school class or two,  run into people at the gym, etc.  It's not really a small town, just a not big town, and definitely NOT a city.  I have neighbors I wave to, and friends I go out with, and a library that can get me any book from anywhere.  Now.....  if only they had more guys my age looking for ME!!! 

Back to the drive this morning.  It left me with a really good feeling about the people here.  They try to be good neighbors, good citizens, and so on.  YAY TOWNIES!!!!      

OK, Now I'm hungry!

It's been a long time since I've been to France, (1989) and like the sterotypical 'ugly American', I hated Paris.  I loved the museums, the scenic train ride through the country sides, and seeing, in person, the things I had only seen in movies and on TV.  The Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, and the like.  However, finances at the time had me staying in a cheap hotel in a bad area, (sharing a bathing area with transvestite hookers) eating bread and Coke-cola for three days because I couldn't figure out how to order anything else, and getting licked in a train station trying to get back to the 'safety' of London.   Yep, travel adventures are definitely for the young!  BUT............  so many people go and love it, I always thought it may have just been the wrong place for me at the wrong time. I haven't gone back, but I'm considering it ....  and now,  I'm hungry!

     I just finished reading Julia Child's autobiography, My Life in France.  She is so enamored of the country, so open to the new experiences she found, and Oh My God, so into learning about food and cooking.  The book takes her from a novice to expert, and us, the readers, right along with her.  French cuisine isn't the totally fussy, over saucy nonsense I had always envisioned it to be.  She writes about learning to plainly roast a chicken with some herbs, and it being a hallmark of a great chef.  She keeps attending classes, meeting chefs and asking questions, and I was hooked.
     I'm thinking that my liking to read biographies, and especially autobiographies have a lot to do with blogging.  Published (book) authors have the benefit of time.  They get to wait and reflect on the outcomes of the actions they are taking.  Blog authors don't have that.  What we read on others blogs is 'real time' for the most part.  We have to follow and keep reading, and keep track.  Maybe we'll see them grow and develop,  maybe we'll see them crash and burn.  Maybe they'll just stop blogging, and we'll never know what happened to them after that point in their lives....  Kinda interesting, don't you think????
    What do you like to read?  and is that taste reflected in what blogs you follow?  (My life long love of sci-fi is not, but my interest in biographies and cookbooks are!).  What do you think of Paris, and the rest of France?  Let me know!  MC

Plus Size Models! Are you kidding me?

Look at the following group photo. Then look again. Then again.

These are PLUS size models. Granted, they are not the waif like, coat hanger, stick thin, heroin chic models of most magazines, but I scarcely think they are PLUS sized. Do you think anyone of them are more than a size 12? Isn't that the average size of a woman in the USA today? PLUS size to me, means what I looked like. It means obese. It means very very large. These are woman I would be tickled to look like. Smooth skin, no droops, or sags, or age spots in weird places. (Yes, I looked closely).  I think Glamour magazine broke the ice by using models real women can relate to.  I'm glad they did.  I just take exception to the label Plus Sized Models.  What planet do they live on?  (OK, apparently Planet Model).  Anyway, just in case anyone hadn't seen this,  I wanted you to.  I think it's groundbreaking.  The response to the magaize has supposedly been very positive.  Now, I'll have to buy one next month too, just to read the reactions!

Gadget Magic

Sometimes, as I wander through a store, I'll find something (usually inexpensive) that makes me say  I wish I'd thought of that!!!!  So, when it happens, I'll post my finds under the title Gadget Magic and share them with you all!  Today, I found this

What is it, you may ask?  It's Socket Splitter...  costs about $3.50 in Walmart, made by a company called Bell Automotive.  You plug the plug on the left into the cigarette lighter/utility socket in your car, and voila! Now you have two sockets to use.  I NEVER remember to charge my GPS until I'm lost and I dig it out from under the front seat where I hide it from valet parkers and car robbers.  Like, they would NEVER think of looking there... but, I digress....  As always, when I'm lost, I need the GPS AND my phone to call whomever I'm supposed to meet to tell them I'm late and lost.  This frequently involves plugging in my phone, also.  Which, until I found this, meant plugging in one and unplugging the other, back and forth!  So, for less than 4 dollars, I can have an extra thing to stick in my glove compartment for emergencies....which, may (ahem) actually be a need for GPS and an IPOD on a road trip.  C'mon, 'fess up.  Did you know such a thing exists?  AND you never told me?????   What odd little thing have you found shopping that made your life easier, simpler, or just more fun?  How much was it, and Where can I get one?

I love my New Shoes!

One of the best things about losing a lot of weight is that you have an excuse to shop.  Seriously,  to shop!  Nothing fits except whats new.  During the rapid weight loss phase, I shopped Goodwill, other people's closets,  the clearance racks at Wallmart and KMart and any other Mart I could find.  I wore things too big, too long, too tight, anything , as long as it covered me and didn't let body parts hang out.  I've been the same size for almost 5 months now, so this may be where I am settling in.  I could lose a few more pounds, and I might, but size wise, it will probably be here in this size.  I wrote the other day about going shoe shopping with a friend from work, one of the women I eat lunch with.  Here are the shoes I got:

They are Dansko clogs, with a back!  The pattern makes them go with so many outfits, and they are so comfortable!  I had to facilitate a dinner for 50 after work on Tuesday, so I needed to wear a suit and shoes that would carry me from dawn to midnight and be comfortable.  I can't speak in public if I'm fidgeting wtih my clothes or wearing cruel shoes.  OK, I can, but I really hate it. 

I, however, have always loved shoes.  I've had to give up heels a long time ago, due to knee troubles, but I can appreciate a lovely pair a Jimmy Choo's as well as the next girl!  My shoes are almost always flats, but I have heel envy.  I think pumps look soooo professional peeking out from a really sharp pair of trousers.  Spiky heels elongate a leg, and who doesn't want long legs????  (I'm 5'3" (and a half))  I miss heels, but not the pain.  So, I've adjusted to flats, and low heels.

As far as the changes go, the friends I went shopping with told me she always wanted to see Italy, but had no one to go with...  and she knew I traveled a lot, and would I want to go next year...  wow...  something to think about!  I've also visited a dating site, checked it out.  I'm not ready to plunk down some cash and fill out all the surveys, but I'm getting there!  My skin's looking better with all the makeup and moisturizer and such, and the new haircut got a ton of compliments at the dinner.  Changes are happening! 

Do you/did you have a favorite pair of shoes?  Why did you love them?

Faux Families

     I have a friend I met in high school, K, when I started hanging out with her sister, P.  I borrowed a brother M for my Senior Prom, and even lent a nephew J to a little sister C for another formal.  (They had 9 kids in their family)  I was maid of honor at her sisters P wedding, and we spent a lot of time planning showers, doing wedding dress fittings, etc.  It turned out we hung out at a lot of the same places in 'the city', and wound up being close friends.  That was (ahem) a few years back.  OK, more like 30 years ago.  We've been each others support for funerals, and weddings, financial crisis and mall shopping trips.  We travel well together, and treat each others nieces and nephews like they were our own.  Our families always include each other in celebrations, and the name 'friend' doesn't seem to quite describe the depths of connection.
     I love my 'original' family, and all it's extensions, in-laws, nieces, nephews and their spouses, and like the boyfriends/girlfriends/roommates of the twentysomethings that are always around.  We generally get along, no drama, no grudges and non-talkers, etc that you hear about in some families.  I like spending time with them, and truely miss them when they're away.  Family, the word, does (at least for me) describe the affection, connection, committment and deep feelings associated with them.  I just wish there was a better word than Friend for the others.  I have people I barely know on Facebook ask to be my friend.  I'm glad to share a moment with them, but it diminishes the word when I have to use it to describe the people I consider my 'almost family'.  People I would have picked to have blood ties with if I could add that.  (Well, blood ties is a bad example, because the folks adopted into our family are as much family as those born into it). 
     I have decided that Faux Family will work for me.  It's not my original family, but the one I have developed and nutured for almost as long.  Friend doesn't cut it, and , although Faux is usually not a good thing, in this instance it is!  Do you have a connection like this, and what words do you use?

Pancreatic Cancer Sucks

     I've held off with this post, because it was too raw to put into words. My best friend from growing up, the girl I hung with, from 0 to 16 years old, died last week after a long and difficult fight against pancreatic cancer. She was 48.  She moved to the West Coast when we were in high school, and we've always kept in touch. She married a cop, and I flew out for the wedding. That was 21 years ago. Some friendships are life long.  I'm thinking now they survive even after that.  I can't imagine not knowing what happens with her daughters, or her brother that we grew up with, or both her parents, who are still alive. 
     Her funeral was such a tribute to her life.  Every group of friends were represented, even her horse came.  After the church service, that included several eulogies, and a media presentation, we went to the cemetary.  THEN back to her house, for food and sharing.  There were such crowds, but it always seemed calm and loving.  Friends of hers I had heard of but never met had me stay with them in their home, and 'hang' with them thru the services before I flew back home.  It made a difficult time more bearable.
     Since my theme is change, I was thinking what I would change about our friendship.  I guess, it would have been to made more of an effort to get together more.  The West Coast always seemed so far, but I managed to get there and back in 2 1/2 days for a funeral, didn't I?  I really wouldn't change much, we were good the way we were, but I will make more of an effort with my other friends to be the one who gets together, rather than waiting for someone else to plan something.    As far as my other changes are going, well, the new suits came in handy.  Geez, what a thing....  I didn't think about that when I shopped.  I'm still making an effort with hair and makeup.  I'm still thinking about going online to meet a guy, but I looked at PlentyofFish.com, a site someone in California said they had used, and there weren't many guys in my age group in my area.  I'm still mulling over that.  Oh well, I've got to go cry some more....  so I finish up here.  I just had to write about her a little.  She was my oldest friend, and like we used to laugh about, the one who knoew me the longest and STILL liked me!  

Progress Report!

OK,  it's slow and steady, but progress has been made!  I wore makeup everyday for the past week and a half  (well, at least, I wore it to work...)   I dug out a tailored suit, and wore it to a meeting.  More than one person remarked how great I looked!  I went shopping to the outlet malls in my state, and tried on a zillion outfits, and bought 2 new suits.  They fit well  (That, in itself, it so damn amazing!), and I'm happy with them.  I got them in a store called  Kasper.  Apparently, that's the line name as well.  One's a muted olive green, almost a brown from a distance, with a skirt, as well as pants.  The second is a grey pinstripe with a creamy light peach silk blouse. They're classic styling, and will go from fall to winter easily.  Today I went to the mall and bought a pair of shoes I had my eye on for the past week.  I'm getting a kick out of these clothes binges.  It wasn't so far back I was limited to whatever Lane Bryant and the Avenue had, and it wasn't much!  Now, I can walk into almost any store and find something I like in MY size.  Wahoo!!! 
  OK, back to the progress.  After a meeting today, I asked a colleague if she wanted to go the mall after work and give me an opinion on some shoes.  We could grab a bite afterwards.  I had a good time shopping with her, and I was proud of my attempt to make a friend.  Granted, it was someone I've known forever at work, but we had never shopped together before, so I still get points! 
   I'm beginning to see my mall as one of my 'happy places'.  I don't always have to buy stuff.  I just like walking around, looking in the store windows, getting some exercise in a climate controlled, (warm and dry) environment, and people watching.  I have a cafe I like, and frequently will sit, have a nice cuppa tea, and watch the world go by.  It's peaceful.   Barnes and Noble is another one of my 'happy places'.  Even if I don't buy a book, I like browsing and the cafe. hmmmm, this could be a pattern.  Where's your happy place?

Some Starts!

After much thoughts, pondering, obsessing and introspection, I came up with some things I need/want to change.  Some are superficial, some are going to take a while.  Here goes.....  it's a little scary putting this out into the universe....to admit, to myself, but mostly to others, that I need to change some stuff about me.  That kind of takes away the "All is well, it's all fine" persona.  But hey,  I didn't think this was going to be easy.

I need to change my look.  My style.  I need to go from boring, perhaps even a little frumpy, to modern.  I'm looking for a classic style, not hip, not trendy, just up to date and polished.  (Trust me, this isn't a list in order of importance!)  I need to use make up on a daily basis, not just for special occasions.  Not a lot, not goth eye circles, or Texas big-hair, just catch up to my peers in something I'm comfortable with.  Sweats are for the gym, and perhaps an errand to and fro, but not for everyday life out of work.  Clothes should fit, not just hang like a tent!  (I tend to keep wearing clothes I've undergrown!)....

     I need to expand my circle of friends, including guys!  I have a few good friends, and a large circle of acquaintances I know professionally.  BUT I tend to 'hang' with the same few, doing the same things, going the same places.  I need to break out...try new things, talk about new topics, go someplace outside my comfort zone.  I don't know how to make new friends.... it's such a common place thing when you're young.  Go to class, sit by someone, next thing you know you're at a party, or going for coffee, etc.  At 48, how do you casually ask someone new to do something...  Am I over thinking this?  I've worked in the same place for almost 2 decades...  Wouldn't it be weird if I asked my 'work' friends to go to the movies?  hmmm... and then the BIG thing... 
     I've NEVER asked a guy out.  It just wasn't done commonly when I was younger.  Then, after that, I always felt my weight got in the way.  I would certainly go out when asked, I just felt uncomfortable being the asker.  I've never gone on a blind date, because I felt that it would have been a BIG surprise for the guy.  My friends loved me, they usually never felt my weight was an issue, but I wouldn't let them fix me up.  I always thought the guy deserved to meet me first, in a group, and then could decide.  Wow....  maybe I over thought this too.  I went to the mall this week, there was a big make-up special.  Lord and Taylor's had 6 different make-up lines doing makeup makeovers and then a professional photographer took digital pictures of you.  I thought, if it turns out well, I might post it on a dating site, and try to meet a guy that way.  I'm just too out of practice to be flirty on line at the supermarket, or start a conversation in a bookstore, or anything else people recommend.  At least, online, I know the guy is also looking to meet someone.

OK, in summary, to ride the crest of the upcoming winds of change...I will
1.  Update/create a visual style.
2.  Make new friends.
3.  Meet a guy.

More to come.... 

What Not To Change?

I'm putting a lot of thought into this... this list shouldn't be a 'to-do' list, or a bucket list....although I have plenty to do, and things I'd like to see/do before I die.... I'm not even sure what I feel, this skin crawly, nerve tingling, need for change is something I can't control. It may just be something I have to experience. HOWEVER, I am not that willing to just let it happen. I need to be an active participant in whatever is coming. I can't imagine me as a silent observer in my own life. I may be the only person to ever read this (grinning) but damn it, it's going to be an orderly thought progression!
      I can name some things I would NOT like to change. I like my attitude. It's positive, at times joyful, at times sorrowful, usually peaceful, loving, and somewhat snarky. What's that you say, snarky? It's a bemused cynicism. I will acknowledge what you say as fact may be fact, but will also acknowledge that not everyone is forthright. There may be another layer to what I see and hear, and I like to reserve judgement for a while. This has been a learned behavior over the past decade or so, and has been good for me. I seldom blow up, or am quick to anger, and prefer to think/ponder a situation for a time. I may have an instant opinion, but it is not set in stone, and will develop over time.
      I would also not like to change my profession. My job, maybe, but not my profession. I wouldn't change my relationships within my family. I'm willing to add some extra people, but I don't think I could deal with any losses at the moment!  We've hit our quota for a while.
      I'm still working on the feelings of turbulance. Something's twirling in the wind....what the heck is going on?

Hmmm, what's to come????

I'm thinking that there needs to be some changes in my life....  but I'm still not sure what.  I've done the basic stuff,  new hair cut, make-up update, even a dramatic weight loss.  I've updated my wardrobe, (OK, I still have to finish cleaning out the closets)...and still, I have this feeling creeping under my skin that Something Must Be Changed.  I'm not sure what, but I'm not ready to settle in to a predictable routine just yet.  Being 50 is looming just around the corner, and while I don't dread it, I'm thinking if I want to be different, to feel different, to act different, NOW is the time.  I should be on the road to whatever? by then.

   I read a book this summer,  light, fluffy beach reading, and the women in it each made a list of 20 wishes.

The story goes on to how they define their wishes, and what happens to them.  I thought about doing this, but....  I couldn't even come up with 20 wishes.  I made a few half hearted attempts at a list, and never got very far.  And then, I thought....what if I blog it?  What if, I made a serious attempt to figure out what needs to be changed, and I keep a record of it?  Sure, I'm filled with good ideas, and half assed follow thru, but what if.....  what if being accountable in print makes me stay on track? 

I'll keep a running list of my 20 wishes, or in this case, my Things That Must Be Changed, and what I'm doing to make it happen.  My goal is to post weekly, at least!  What will the next year or so bring?  Wish me luck!  I'm gonna need it!