Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Pancreatic Cancer Sucks


     I've held off with this post, because it was too raw to put into words. My best friend from growing up, the girl I hung with, from 0 to 16 years old, died last week after a long and difficult fight against pancreatic cancer. She was 48.  She moved to the West Coast when we were in high school, and we've always kept in touch. She married a cop, and I flew out for the wedding. That was 21 years ago. Some friendships are life long.  I'm thinking now they survive even after that.  I can't imagine not knowing what happens with her daughters, or her brother that we grew up with, or both her parents, who are still alive. 
     Her funeral was such a tribute to her life.  Every group of friends were represented, even her horse came.  After the church service, that included several eulogies, and a media presentation, we went to the cemetary.  THEN back to her house, for food and sharing.  There were such crowds, but it always seemed calm and loving.  Friends of hers I had heard of but never met had me stay with them in their home, and 'hang' with them thru the services before I flew back home.  It made a difficult time more bearable.
     Since my theme is change, I was thinking what I would change about our friendship.  I guess, it would have been to made more of an effort to get together more.  The West Coast always seemed so far, but I managed to get there and back in 2 1/2 days for a funeral, didn't I?  I really wouldn't change much, we were good the way we were, but I will make more of an effort with my other friends to be the one who gets together, rather than waiting for someone else to plan something.    As far as my other changes are going, well, the new suits came in handy.  Geez, what a thing....  I didn't think about that when I shopped.  I'm still making an effort with hair and makeup.  I'm still thinking about going online to meet a guy, but I looked at PlentyofFish.com, a site someone in California said they had used, and there weren't many guys in my age group in my area.  I'm still mulling over that.  Oh well, I've got to go cry some more....  so I finish up here.  I just had to write about her a little.  She was my oldest friend, and like we used to laugh about, the one who knoew me the longest and STILL liked me!  

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Progress Report!

OK,  it's slow and steady, but progress has been made!  I wore makeup everyday for the past week and a half  (well, at least, I wore it to work...)   I dug out a tailored suit, and wore it to a meeting.  More than one person remarked how great I looked!  I went shopping to the outlet malls in my state, and tried on a zillion outfits, and bought 2 new suits.  They fit well  (That, in itself, it so damn amazing!), and I'm happy with them.  I got them in a store called  Kasper.  Apparently, that's the line name as well.  One's a muted olive green, almost a brown from a distance, with a skirt, as well as pants.  The second is a grey pinstripe with a creamy light peach silk blouse. They're classic styling, and will go from fall to winter easily.  Today I went to the mall and bought a pair of shoes I had my eye on for the past week.  I'm getting a kick out of these clothes binges.  It wasn't so far back I was limited to whatever Lane Bryant and the Avenue had, and it wasn't much!  Now, I can walk into almost any store and find something I like in MY size.  Wahoo!!! 
  OK, back to the progress.  After a meeting today, I asked a colleague if she wanted to go the mall after work and give me an opinion on some shoes.  We could grab a bite afterwards.  I had a good time shopping with her, and I was proud of my attempt to make a friend.  Granted, it was someone I've known forever at work, but we had never shopped together before, so I still get points! 
   I'm beginning to see my mall as one of my 'happy places'.  I don't always have to buy stuff.  I just like walking around, looking in the store windows, getting some exercise in a climate controlled, (warm and dry) environment, and people watching.  I have a cafe I like, and frequently will sit, have a nice cuppa tea, and watch the world go by.  It's peaceful.   Barnes and Noble is another one of my 'happy places'.  Even if I don't buy a book, I like browsing and the cafe. hmmmm, this could be a pattern.  Where's your happy place?