Monday, March 19, 2012

Where does the time go?

This is just a brief update.....   I'm still struggling, trying to fit in school, work, and dating.  It seems they're all getting short shift.  Instead of doing one thing well, I'm doing three things half-assed.  Well, actually a few more than that.  I'm still active in my professional organization, having one year left to a three year term I was voted in for BEFORE I went back to school.  I miss my dinners with the nieces and nephews, and only get to see them occasionally.  I try to log into Facebook once a day, so I have a vague idea of who went to what concert, or if someone's away on a vacay... you know, just to keep aware.  I'm running out of steam, I dream of sleeping for 2 days in a row....8 or 9 hours each time!!....  I miss going to the gym....  I miss cooking!  and eating better, and if I NEVER see another salad or can of tuna, I will be happy.  My DS is still my friend, and I'm maintaining my weight loss, with only a minimal effort.  I'm due for bloods in 2 months, so I'll post the results when they're done.  I'm more sensitive to carbs than I used to be...it seems,  or I'm just more comfortable around G.  Yep, the dreaded DS farts happened.  He thought he was going to die, he said....  I slept on, blissfully unaware I was choking him.  I'll have to go back to being really strict about not eating any white flour products around him.  I realized I was occasionally skipping a day or so of vitamins, so I quickly got back on track with that.  Vitalady's schedule with some modifications has worked well for me.... so I don't want to muck that up!
     The dating part is scary and wonderful and overwhelming and bothersome.  Yep, it's real.  He's a wonderful man, but the distance really gets to me.  We're together almost every weekend, but I vaccilate between wanting more time with him, and wanting to see what else is out there.  As a fat woman, I had (alot) less choices in dating, and I'm curious.  As an older woman, I realize meeting someone as caring, sweet and in tune with me is a rare thing, and if I screw this up, I might not find anyone even half as good again.  I also worry that I may have been the 'rebound' girl after he lost the love of his life to cancer.  He hadn't dated (or been with a woman) for 2 years since she passed, but the first few months made it clear to me he was still grieving.  It's much better now, but I wonder.  Was I really as great a person as he says, or was he just so lonely?  (Of course, I am....but he thought so rather quickly!)  AND he is so tolerate of my constant ranting about school, and homework, and library hours, and my thesis, etc.  He is an increadiably calming influence.... 
   Well, I feel better about posting.  I'm not going to do anything rash about G, just always have these thoughts in the back of my mind.....
    and the Princess?  I didn't realize how attached I could become to a dog....  She is amazing, friendly, I could watch her run and run forever, her fur is so soft, and she lays across my lap and lets me brush her endlessly.  (Of course, the fact that she's now fully grown, and is an 80lb Golden, makes this difficult).  I am so attached.  She comes to visit here on G's weekends at my house, and has made friends with the neighbors.  We go to the dog park, and let her play, because my surburbs are vastly different from G's farmland/marshland area!  Maybe when I graduate, I can get a dog of my own, and they'll be friends!
      Who has a pet they're attached to that belongs to someone else?  What's your story?

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