Protein Deficiency

I've been running myself ragged, and I know that's no excuse.  I'm in school full time for my doctorate, work full time at my profession, am still trying to maintain a relationship with the EHarmony guy (almost 2 years now!), cook, eat, study, clean, grocery shop, see my friends, etc.  I thought I was eating well, still protein first, and was tracking in my head.  I thought I was getting about 100gms in a day. 

I started to notice more edema (swelling) in my ankles, and then, it seems overnight, they became tree trunks.  I had been at the doctors 12 days before, for routine stuff, so when I went as an emergency, his scale showed I had gained 18 pounds in 12 days.  We assumed it was all fluid, so after ruling out renal failure with a blood test, we surmised, maybe I was only getting in 80gm instead of 100gm like I thought.  Slowly, a deficiency developed, and I didn't realize it until my cells could no longer contain fluid.  We started diuretics, and increased my protein intake to about 150.  The blood counts showed a slightly below normal count, but the symptoms were terrible.  I couldn't wear shoes, my pants didn't fit over my calves, and I couldn't bend my ankles.  It took about 4 weeks, and 2 different diuretics (plus Potassium) to get back to normal.    
    I should have listened to those long time DS'ers who said,  Drink a protein shake every day.  It's the most bio-available for your body, it will boost your protein intake, and keep you on track.  I'm back to doing that, and will certainly recommend it to everyone I talk to.  Food is great, I love eating, and do like protein best....  but realize I still need a supplement.  The other thing that's started in acid reflux when sleeping, especially if I have had a higher fat than usual meal.  This is probably do to normal aging, stress, etc.  I'm not sure what to do, as I don't want to add a med that will interfere with absorption, like an acid reducer.  I may have to in the long run, but for now, I'm going to treat it with diet changes.  No bacon at night, no spicy stuff after dinner, no greasy snacks (pepperoni) at night, etc.  Things a NORMAL person would try!
    I'm still dating the EHarmony guy, G.  The commute each weekend is getting to me.  He's wonderful, but we can't keep this up forever.  His industry is only located in one section of the state, and required a daily physical presence.  No telecommuting for him!  I'm 21 years into a pension system, and have to stay until I'm 55 to collect.  That's still several years away.  Other than the distance, a few minor chinks have emerged.  I'm a planner, have to be working towards something, and really am probably a little too focused on outcomes.  He is NOT.  Everything is last minute, winging it.  It works for him, but it makes me melt down.  Most importantly, I don't feel like a priority to him (in my mind).  Everything comes ahead of what I would like.  I realize being older, and having lived alone,  I'm used to making the decisions.  If I want to go somewhere, I go...  If I want to leave, I leave.  We'll make a plan, but there's always something, kids, parents, work, house, that interferes.  I know he has a lot of responsibilities, but sheesh!  I'm tired of being understanding....  Whew, then, when not gripping, I realize he is kind, sweet, smart, a hard worker, etc....  and there aren't many like him anywhere.  So I hang on, and keep driving, driving, driving.
   I am 6 months or so away from finishing my Doctorate.  This has been the most incredible 2 years of my life...  I've grown so much, and worked so hard.  It will be great to finish my dissertation, and have that behind me...  so blogging falls to the wayside.  I still log on in the middle of the night, and play catch up, and read....  but seldom write too much.  This was relaxing, so maybe...  oh well...  time to hit the books....
   What was the busiest time in your life???  How did you handle it?  Would you do it again?
                                    MC

Where does the time go?

This is just a brief update.....   I'm still struggling, trying to fit in school, work, and dating.  It seems they're all getting short shift.  Instead of doing one thing well, I'm doing three things half-assed.  Well, actually a few more than that.  I'm still active in my professional organization, having one year left to a three year term I was voted in for BEFORE I went back to school.  I miss my dinners with the nieces and nephews, and only get to see them occasionally.  I try to log into Facebook once a day, so I have a vague idea of who went to what concert, or if someone's away on a vacay... you know, just to keep aware.  I'm running out of steam, I dream of sleeping for 2 days in a row....8 or 9 hours each time!!....  I miss going to the gym....  I miss cooking!  and eating better, and if I NEVER see another salad or can of tuna, I will be happy.  My DS is still my friend, and I'm maintaining my weight loss, with only a minimal effort.  I'm due for bloods in 2 months, so I'll post the results when they're done.  I'm more sensitive to carbs than I used to be...it seems,  or I'm just more comfortable around G.  Yep, the dreaded DS farts happened.  He thought he was going to die, he said....  I slept on, blissfully unaware I was choking him.  I'll have to go back to being really strict about not eating any white flour products around him.  I realized I was occasionally skipping a day or so of vitamins, so I quickly got back on track with that.  Vitalady's schedule with some modifications has worked well for me.... so I don't want to muck that up!
     The dating part is scary and wonderful and overwhelming and bothersome.  Yep, it's real.  He's a wonderful man, but the distance really gets to me.  We're together almost every weekend, but I vaccilate between wanting more time with him, and wanting to see what else is out there.  As a fat woman, I had (alot) less choices in dating, and I'm curious.  As an older woman, I realize meeting someone as caring, sweet and in tune with me is a rare thing, and if I screw this up, I might not find anyone even half as good again.  I also worry that I may have been the 'rebound' girl after he lost the love of his life to cancer.  He hadn't dated (or been with a woman) for 2 years since she passed, but the first few months made it clear to me he was still grieving.  It's much better now, but I wonder.  Was I really as great a person as he says, or was he just so lonely?  (Of course, I am....but he thought so rather quickly!)  AND he is so tolerate of my constant ranting about school, and homework, and library hours, and my thesis, etc.  He is an increadiably calming influence.... 
   Well, I feel better about posting.  I'm not going to do anything rash about G, just always have these thoughts in the back of my mind.....
    and the Princess?  I didn't realize how attached I could become to a dog....  She is amazing, friendly, I could watch her run and run forever, her fur is so soft, and she lays across my lap and lets me brush her endlessly.  (Of course, the fact that she's now fully grown, and is an 80lb Golden, makes this difficult).  I am so attached.  She comes to visit here on G's weekends at my house, and has made friends with the neighbors.  We go to the dog park, and let her play, because my surburbs are vastly different from G's farmland/marshland area!  Maybe when I graduate, I can get a dog of my own, and they'll be friends!
      Who has a pet they're attached to that belongs to someone else?  What's your story?

September, already?

I'm still hanging tough with school. Earning a Doctorate is as much work as 'they' had told me. I wonder why I thought it would be easier. Silly me. I'm about 1/3 of the way thru. I have a thesis topic, have started collecting research, and am becoming a 'topic expert'. My classes meet once a month for a Friday, Saturday and Sunday....and the times in between is spent online. It's a blended course, combining the best (or worst) of both worlds...online and in-person. I complain endlessly about school, but it's so exciting to be learning at this level. I need more sleep, more exercise, less junk food, and possibly, less caffeine. I wouldn't stop school now, for all the tea in China!

I'm still dating my e-harmony guy, G. He was recently in the hospital for back surgery, so I'm babysitting the dog. She's about 10 months old, a reddish colored Golden Retriever. Sweet, but untrained. I have her for a month. I immediately signed up for 'puppy kindergarten'. We've gone twice so far, and she seems to like it. She responds to commands when she feels like it, and doesn't when she is distracted or doesn't want to be bothered. We do, however, go to the dog park for an hour every night. She likes running off leash, and chasing balls, Frisbees, and other humans. The other dogs are just a nuisance to be put up with. I try to bring some articles to read, but she is an attention seeking bitch! G is still her master, and I am just a pack mate. However, since I provide food, and rides to the park, she tolerates being with me.... still, every time she hears a car door slam, or hears footsteps in the apartment upstairs, she thinks I have G hidden somewhere, and am just keeping her from him. Two weeks, and she still seems to look for him constantly!
        G. did well with his back surgery, so she may be going home early. We're trying to work the schedule out tonight. He might come up for a few days when he's able to drive that far, and then she can go back home with him!
         I've let my cooking slide. There's just no time for it! I'm still interested in eating well, I just can't fit in the meal prep! I have to go in for surgery (6 hernia repairs with a wall of mesh) on Nov. 10th. I'm scared to death after my last hospitalization, with the severe complications. I'm not mentally ready for another month in ICU for a 'routine' surgery. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers! I'm just trying to be focused on getting the class work done ahead of time, and having nothing due that week! Got my priorities in order.... homework, check.....not dying, check.....AND the good news is..... I can start to think about getting some plastics done, 6 months after the hernia repairs. Not sure how I'll pay for it, but I can start thinking now.
        My weight is stable, my labs were drawn 2 weeks ago, and they're in the normal ranges, staying in the normal range. My DS was the healthiest choice I've ever made for me, and I am grateful everyday 250 pounds ago, I wouldn't have had the energy to go back to school while working full time, babysit a 60 pound puppy, and date a great guy at the same time! YAY DS. YAY me! I've caught up with my blog, so I want to go and read yours now!!! What have I missed? MC

CHANGE! Be careful what you ask for!

Well, I started grad school in January. I'm working towards a doctorate, and it's a combination of online courses and an 'executive model' schedule. This means we meet monthly for a Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The rest of the class is online, with mandatory posts and readings, and all papers, tests, etc emailed by due dates. It's exciting, and overwhelming, and a mix of a million things at once. I'd never heard of 'turn it in" . com. It's a service where you must submit all your term papers, and written work, and they give it a grade for originality, and check it for plagarism! Who'da thunk it! It take a day or two, so all papers have to be ready BEFORE the teachers deadline. Yep, I'm an old fogey... I didn't know such a site existed! If you use phrases or ideas from previous papers, there's a thing called 'self-plagarism'. You have to be careful not to reuse your own ideas!
Talk about change.... I'm doing homework, and spend almost all my free time reading journal articles. Weeellll, not ALL of my free time. That new guy G from December has hung on, through school and work and all. He's adaptable, and kind and very patient. His birthday was in March, so for a combo Valentines Day and BDay present, I chipped in and got him a Golden Retriever puppy. She's beautiful, and extremely attached to G. He's the alpha dog. I'm only around on weekends, so I'm just a pack mate. She nips my hair, and steals my snacks...but she adores him! Oh well, it keeps him busy when I'm not around! (She also has many Golden traits, like eating furniture and anything not nailed down)... She reminds me of the dog in the movie Marley and me! Maybe she'll be calmer when she's a little older!
Work is first, then school, and G seems OK that he's the weekend guy. I try to make it easier by being the commuter.... I drive to his place, and use the time on the road to decompress and center myself. It's working so far.
The weight has stayed off (mostly). I go up and down within a 10 pound range. When it get high, I really cut back on the carbs, up the protein, and moderate the fats. When it's low, I'm waayyy more flexible with them. I eat more chocolate than I should, and am working on substituting more SF jello for a Hershey bar now and then. Weight loss surgery seems like a life time ago. I'm still faithful (compulsive, almost) about the vitamin supplements, and the yearly labs have been fine. I'm due again soon. I'm going to try to squeeze in a few more home cooking posts, because , well, It's fun!
Changes have happened, mostly good, some scary..... what have you gotten that you wanted? and did it work out for you??? M

Bad Blogger Award

I hereby nominate myself for the bad blogger award.... I haven't posted in months. It got away from me, and time has been filled with just the best stuff. Life is good (so far) was started because the winds of change were blowing, and I wasn't sure where I was heading, but I knew a change was coming, needed, desired, recommended and every other Thesaurus type word you could think of. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I felt it in my core... that something was going to go on. Odd, yep, I admit it.... the Irish have a word, someone is 'fey', meaning they have an inkling, a sight, a premonition. I felt fey. I've only shared that connection, I don't know, ?feyness, with one other person... we could ALWAYS tell when something was happening with each other, when something went on the phone was bound to ring in a day or two.... and there she would be, or I would be, saying, "I couldn't get you out of my head". Even at thousands of miles, we'd do this. My friend died last year, in September, and I miss our connection. I had no one to share this feeling with, to help me sort it out, and make sense of it.... so I blogged. Now, it's in place, I have perspective, and I still want to blog about it... Elaine! Geez, I miss you!
The changes I needed to make were simple. I had become stagnant. I wasn't progressing, trying new things. The things I loved, even hobbies, had fallen by the wayside. I made little changes, like buying the new camera, getting excited about clothes shopping again, just little stuff. Then the BIG changes came. I applied to graduate school for a doctorate in July, and heard that I was accepted on Veterans Day. I started orientation this week. I'll be working full time days, and these classes meet one Friday, Sat and Sunday a month, plus lots of online work. I'm learning new computer skills to keep up with classes, like using EndNotes, and remote Boolian searches, etc. It's exciting and terrifying!
I know I posted a bit about my online dating experiences, and how it took me forver to actually fill out the questions, and post, and get courageous enough to try. Well, after a few amusing but hardly romantic dates, I met a great guy. I don't know if he's my 'forever' guy, but he's sweet and kind and hard working. He says he understands about the time committments for school, and he's willing to work around it, so we seem well suited. The last few months seem to revolve around the weekends we can spend together, and I hope he's as happy with me as I am with him. He says he is, and he is SO much better at communicating the emotional stuff than I am. I think on an EQ scale of 1-10, he's an 8 and I'm a 4. Oh well, I'm working on it!
So, I know I deserve the bad blogger award for lack of posts, and I will improve. This is a great outlet for me, and I think I'll need it more and more as school progresses. Be patient, read me, leave a comment or PM me, and look for an update post this weekend, as it is my 'surgiversary'.
Hurrah for change!!!!!

Dancing with a Star!

Saturday night I went to a baseball game. It's a farm league, and they do all the small town stuff between innings. I realized (after a few minutes) I had been boogeying while on line waiting for my popcorn. The music had snuck into my subconscious.... and I swayed, and snapped my fingers, and moved a little while waiting. I laughed at myself, and didn't think much of it.

After the game, we stopped for a drink, and the radio at the bar had some old songs I recognized. Are you old enough to remember Squeeze? I heard Pulling Mussels from a Shell, and my toes went a tappin'. Then, Come Dancin' by the Kinks. Fueled by two rum and diet cokes (with extra lime), I really had a hard time staying on my seat... (This was NOT a bar with dancing!).

Last night, Sunday, I was trying to get a lot of cooking done, so I can just grab and go during the week. I was making my version of the McDonalds sausage burritos, with low carb tortillas and extra meat and veggies, and the TV was playing in the other room. I started dancing like a fool to Born to Run.... even after I realized it was Jimmy Fallon on the TV Emmy show and not MY Bruce!

I hadn't realized how much I missed dancing, the movement, the rhythms... I was never a good dancer, but I liked it. We used to go out to NYC to the after hour places in Washington Heights in the early '80's, and oh, I loved the music and the guys. Spanish guys were the best dancers there, even the older guys.... and the guys we knew or went with weren't! A friend of ours brother owned a gay bar in NY, and he would let us go there and drink for free. The guys there were all into the music, and grooming, and had style. I knew I was never going to meet anyone there, but the dancing was great! These were some great memories.

At over 400 pounds, dancing was just not an option anymore. I hadn't remembered how much I used to enjoy it, or that I could participate again. Thanks Weight Loss!!!! Another benefit I didn't plan on!
MC

Mad for Plaid

It may be the cool weather today, it may be the 13 years of private school with plaid uniforms, it may be the Back to School influences, it may be that it was just so damn CUTE, and I DO NOT usually go with 'cute' clothes, but I bought a skirt set today. I was wandering through the store, looking for the Kitchen department, as I needed a new crock pot (be still my beating heart). Yes, my life is that exciting.... and I saw a rack of pleated plaid skirts... not the short, mini type things, but an adult woman skirt, knee length, with the tops of the pleats sewn flat, so no gaping, and the nicest grey tweed material. One rack over were the matching jackets, pants, and then!!! ta-dah, a vest. I haven't owned a suit vest in 20 years. I had to have it. The prices were great, and the designer seems to understand my body! It was a Norma Kamali. I'm not familar with her lines, but I'll be looking for her label now.
Imagine a long sleeve, button down pale blue collared shirt, under the buttoned and smoothed vest. Now, add the pleated skirt! I'm short, so it definitely hits right at the knee.



Now, add sheer black stockings and the great boots of last week! WOW! I think I'm so into buying clothes off the rack that fit because I never could before. It's exciting, and when I find them on sale, and 'for cheap', it's a double thrill!
Now, if I could just find a guy worthy of this soon to be fall outfit!
MC