September, already?

I'm still hanging tough with school. Earning a Doctorate is as much work as 'they' had told me. I wonder why I thought it would be easier. Silly me. I'm about 1/3 of the way thru. I have a thesis topic, have started collecting research, and am becoming a 'topic expert'. My classes meet once a month for a Friday, Saturday and Sunday....and the times in between is spent online. It's a blended course, combining the best (or worst) of both worlds...online and in-person. I complain endlessly about school, but it's so exciting to be learning at this level. I need more sleep, more exercise, less junk food, and possibly, less caffeine. I wouldn't stop school now, for all the tea in China!

I'm still dating my e-harmony guy, G. He was recently in the hospital for back surgery, so I'm babysitting the dog. She's about 10 months old, a reddish colored Golden Retriever. Sweet, but untrained. I have her for a month. I immediately signed up for 'puppy kindergarten'. We've gone twice so far, and she seems to like it. She responds to commands when she feels like it, and doesn't when she is distracted or doesn't want to be bothered. We do, however, go to the dog park for an hour every night. She likes running off leash, and chasing balls, Frisbees, and other humans. The other dogs are just a nuisance to be put up with. I try to bring some articles to read, but she is an attention seeking bitch! G is still her master, and I am just a pack mate. However, since I provide food, and rides to the park, she tolerates being with me.... still, every time she hears a car door slam, or hears footsteps in the apartment upstairs, she thinks I have G hidden somewhere, and am just keeping her from him. Two weeks, and she still seems to look for him constantly!
        G. did well with his back surgery, so she may be going home early. We're trying to work the schedule out tonight. He might come up for a few days when he's able to drive that far, and then she can go back home with him!
         I've let my cooking slide. There's just no time for it! I'm still interested in eating well, I just can't fit in the meal prep! I have to go in for surgery (6 hernia repairs with a wall of mesh) on Nov. 10th. I'm scared to death after my last hospitalization, with the severe complications. I'm not mentally ready for another month in ICU for a 'routine' surgery. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers! I'm just trying to be focused on getting the class work done ahead of time, and having nothing due that week! Got my priorities in order.... homework, check.....not dying, check.....AND the good news is..... I can start to think about getting some plastics done, 6 months after the hernia repairs. Not sure how I'll pay for it, but I can start thinking now.
        My weight is stable, my labs were drawn 2 weeks ago, and they're in the normal ranges, staying in the normal range. My DS was the healthiest choice I've ever made for me, and I am grateful everyday 250 pounds ago, I wouldn't have had the energy to go back to school while working full time, babysit a 60 pound puppy, and date a great guy at the same time! YAY DS. YAY me! I've caught up with my blog, so I want to go and read yours now!!! What have I missed? MC

I KNOW everyone has had boots for years and years, but I haven't. Up until the big weight loss, I couldn't find a pair of boots that fit over my calfs and ankles without hurting. Of course, now there's more styles, more choices.... and I found these!!!! They were at the Avenue, always a good choice for big footed women! They're slouchy, and soft inside, with adjustable straps. I can't wait for fall, to pair them with black trousers, or some tights under a skirt! Yay boots, yay weight loss, yay Shopping! MC

Weight Loss How'd ya do it?

                                                      DS DS DS DS DS DS DS DS DS DS

I've been asked how I lost my weight.  For the record, I've lost 263 pounds since November of 2006.  I had weight loss surgery.  Oh my!  I have always been very open and forthright about having surgery.  For my friends, they got to live the 2 1/2 years prior to surgery with me, where I was appealing the decisions of the insurance company not to pay, and finally taking them to court.  They (BC/BS) were willing to pay for a lap band or a gastric bypass.  I had decided I needed a Duodenal Switch, and found a surgeon that does all type of weight loss surgery.  When I saw him and reviewed my medical history, he also thought that the DS was the right one for me. 
     There are several types of weight loss surgery (WLS).  Lap bands cinch in the stomach, allowing only a very small amount of food to pass through.  (My surgeon said one good Italian sub, and I'd burst the band).  There a RNY, popularly known as the 'gastric bypass'.  It creates a pouch out of the stomach, and reroutes the intestines.  You still have to eat low fat, low sugar, small amounts....and there's something that happens frequently, known as dumping syndrome.  Not all folks experience this, it's like a shaking, nauseous, lay on the floor in a curled up ball for an hour sensation.  (Google it on you tube, it's scary).  The DS has the most surgical risks, it involves reshaping the stomach like a banana, but leaves the pyloric valve intact, so no vomiting/foaming.  It reroutes the intestines, so (here's the kicker) you only absorb 20% of the fat you eat, 50% of the protein and 80% of the carbs!  Great you say....  the down side is...  in order to make sure you are not vitamin deficient, you have to faithfully take supplements daily for the rest of your life.   You must eat twice the protein of a 'normal' adult, in order to get in the right amount.  Good thing, you get to eat full fat cheeses, and dairy products, like butter, milk, etc because you only absorb 20% of them.  Of course, this means you NEED to be on top of your fat soluable vitamins always...  Yin and Yang...  Up and Down...  Good and Bad...  I take Vitamin D and K, the fat soluable vitamins in amounts that scare most non-WLS doctors. I take multi's, calcium, iron, and probiotics.  I get bloods drawn every 6 months, and the vitamins get adjusted accordingly.  For me, this is easy peasy, compared to managing my diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiac abnormalities, arthritis, etc etc etc.  Most of these have resolved completely, or improved since the weight loss.  
    Besides the scale, I also have non-scale celebrations.  Things that aren't directly connected to the numbers of pounds lost, just good things that are related.  I can walk further, almost keep up with a 5 year old, buy clothes in almost any store, fit (comfortably) in a plane or theatre seat, and so on. 
     I had always refused the let my fat get in the way of my life.  I completed an advanced degree, traveled, dated as much as I was asked, worked in a field I love, in a job I enjoy, and actively participated in my profession and family.  I just really hated being judged by my size and not my capabilities.  I thought I had to be better, or work harder just to even the playing field.  Now, I think I can relax a bit more, and not have to try so hard.
   So, there's my weight loss story.  If anyone is thinking of having WLS, my advice is Research all the types.  Pick the one you think you can live a long and healthy life with, then find the best surgeon for that type.  Don't pick a surgeon first, and then the type because Would a Ford dealer sell you a Volkswagon?  A surgeon is going to recommend the type of surgery he is familiar with, the kind he does well, and not recommend something he isn't versed in.  If possible, do what I did.  Find a surgeon who does ALL the types, and see what he recommends.  Research the long term success rates.  Make friends with people who have had your type of surgery, maybe at a support group.  They'll be a valuable resource for that first year!
    I hope this answered any questions.  I'm (REALLY) into talking about me, and will answer any questions honestly.  I will also refer you to experts if it's stuff I don't know!  What do you think about WLS?  Have you had it?  Was it successful for you?

Update on Changes

You know that feeling I described in my beginning blogs?  The one where I feel something's going on, there's something that's going to happen, but I just can't put my finger on it....  I decided to do a pre-emptive strike, and make some changes myself, in areas I COULD control, and see what would happen.  I've been dressing better, using makeup, making an attempt (although feeble) to cook more and eat more at home, etc....   changing things I can control.  I also mentioned trying to date.  I am completely out of touch with this skill (if you can call it that) and realize I need more help.  I've tried to start conversations in bookstores, on lines in the grocery, etc, but I feel so stilted and awkward.  I filled out a profile on a online matchmaking site, but never went as far as actually paying the fee.  I now get PLENTY of emails from the site, trying to convince me to join, and giving me glimpses of men that 'may' match, but you don't get any contact info or mail until you pay.  So, after several weeks of going back and forth with "Is this how I want to meet someone?" and the more powerful "Who have you met on your own lately????", I've decided this is the weekend!  I'm going to go to one of the biggies, like eharmony or match.com, fill out the profile, post a current picture, and see what happens.  This could get very interesting or really creepy!
   Has anyone started dating after a LONG hiatus?  What were the results?  Has anyone used an online site?  Which one?  Share a story!

Should Food Make You This Happy?

     Today was a furlough day from work, one of those 'unpaid holidays' forced upon workers as a cost savings measure.  I have one a month, and I'm trying to be positive about it.  Two days ago, I was shopping with a friend, and we ran into a local food market, and as I passed the fish counter, I saw a sign!  Nope, not a gift from God, a regular sign, saying "Russian King Crab Legs  $6.99".  If you're a crab lover, you know that's about the average price for snow, not King crab, so I grabbed two pounds....  for today. 

     I stayed up late last night, playing on the computer, and watching TV, and slept in late today.  I woke up, stayed in my pajams, and watched a movie.  Read a book I've been working on.  THEN I made lunch.  I steamed the legs in some Chardonney, with lemon slices and garlic, and ate them drizzled with garlic butter.  Yummy!!!!  Then, I got concerned.  I mean, I've lost a ton of weight....  am I supposed to let food make me this happy?  Is that a warning sign of an eating problem?  Have I learned nothing about myself in the past few years?  wow....  then I went back into the kitchen and finished the legs.  Yep, I decided food is allowed to make you happy.  It can't be the sole source of the happiness in your life, but it's perfectly OK for it to be a contributing factor.  I was also happy about my pajama day, and reading books, and napping.  I wasn't happy about the loss of a days pay, but thats out of my control.  I can control the other things, and I made it an MC day.  It's almost bedtime, and I'm still in my pajama's.  I read the rest of my book, watched a few TV shows, emptied the dishwasher.... and thats about it.  I don't get a lot of 'do-nothing' days, and today made me happy. 
     I do worry about regaining weight.  I can't imagine going back to being 430 pounds....  I just can't.  It would be too hard, now that I there's so much more I can do physically being smaller.  I just can't ever let that concern suck the joy out of simple pleasures, like crab legs on a day off. 
    What simple things make you happy, and do you worry about them?

Progress Report!

OK,  it's slow and steady, but progress has been made!  I wore makeup everyday for the past week and a half  (well, at least, I wore it to work...)   I dug out a tailored suit, and wore it to a meeting.  More than one person remarked how great I looked!  I went shopping to the outlet malls in my state, and tried on a zillion outfits, and bought 2 new suits.  They fit well  (That, in itself, it so damn amazing!), and I'm happy with them.  I got them in a store called  Kasper.  Apparently, that's the line name as well.  One's a muted olive green, almost a brown from a distance, with a skirt, as well as pants.  The second is a grey pinstripe with a creamy light peach silk blouse. They're classic styling, and will go from fall to winter easily.  Today I went to the mall and bought a pair of shoes I had my eye on for the past week.  I'm getting a kick out of these clothes binges.  It wasn't so far back I was limited to whatever Lane Bryant and the Avenue had, and it wasn't much!  Now, I can walk into almost any store and find something I like in MY size.  Wahoo!!! 
  OK, back to the progress.  After a meeting today, I asked a colleague if she wanted to go the mall after work and give me an opinion on some shoes.  We could grab a bite afterwards.  I had a good time shopping with her, and I was proud of my attempt to make a friend.  Granted, it was someone I've known forever at work, but we had never shopped together before, so I still get points! 
   I'm beginning to see my mall as one of my 'happy places'.  I don't always have to buy stuff.  I just like walking around, looking in the store windows, getting some exercise in a climate controlled, (warm and dry) environment, and people watching.  I have a cafe I like, and frequently will sit, have a nice cuppa tea, and watch the world go by.  It's peaceful.   Barnes and Noble is another one of my 'happy places'.  Even if I don't buy a book, I like browsing and the cafe. hmmmm, this could be a pattern.  Where's your happy place?