Faux Families

     I have a friend I met in high school, K, when I started hanging out with her sister, P.  I borrowed a brother M for my Senior Prom, and even lent a nephew J to a little sister C for another formal.  (They had 9 kids in their family)  I was maid of honor at her sisters P wedding, and we spent a lot of time planning showers, doing wedding dress fittings, etc.  It turned out we hung out at a lot of the same places in 'the city', and wound up being close friends.  That was (ahem) a few years back.  OK, more like 30 years ago.  We've been each others support for funerals, and weddings, financial crisis and mall shopping trips.  We travel well together, and treat each others nieces and nephews like they were our own.  Our families always include each other in celebrations, and the name 'friend' doesn't seem to quite describe the depths of connection.
     I love my 'original' family, and all it's extensions, in-laws, nieces, nephews and their spouses, and like the boyfriends/girlfriends/roommates of the twentysomethings that are always around.  We generally get along, no drama, no grudges and non-talkers, etc that you hear about in some families.  I like spending time with them, and truely miss them when they're away.  Family, the word, does (at least for me) describe the affection, connection, committment and deep feelings associated with them.  I just wish there was a better word than Friend for the others.  I have people I barely know on Facebook ask to be my friend.  I'm glad to share a moment with them, but it diminishes the word when I have to use it to describe the people I consider my 'almost family'.  People I would have picked to have blood ties with if I could add that.  (Well, blood ties is a bad example, because the folks adopted into our family are as much family as those born into it). 
     I have decided that Faux Family will work for me.  It's not my original family, but the one I have developed and nutured for almost as long.  Friend doesn't cut it, and , although Faux is usually not a good thing, in this instance it is!  Do you have a connection like this, and what words do you use?

Pancreatic Cancer Sucks

     I've held off with this post, because it was too raw to put into words. My best friend from growing up, the girl I hung with, from 0 to 16 years old, died last week after a long and difficult fight against pancreatic cancer. She was 48.  She moved to the West Coast when we were in high school, and we've always kept in touch. She married a cop, and I flew out for the wedding. That was 21 years ago. Some friendships are life long.  I'm thinking now they survive even after that.  I can't imagine not knowing what happens with her daughters, or her brother that we grew up with, or both her parents, who are still alive. 
     Her funeral was such a tribute to her life.  Every group of friends were represented, even her horse came.  After the church service, that included several eulogies, and a media presentation, we went to the cemetary.  THEN back to her house, for food and sharing.  There were such crowds, but it always seemed calm and loving.  Friends of hers I had heard of but never met had me stay with them in their home, and 'hang' with them thru the services before I flew back home.  It made a difficult time more bearable.
     Since my theme is change, I was thinking what I would change about our friendship.  I guess, it would have been to made more of an effort to get together more.  The West Coast always seemed so far, but I managed to get there and back in 2 1/2 days for a funeral, didn't I?  I really wouldn't change much, we were good the way we were, but I will make more of an effort with my other friends to be the one who gets together, rather than waiting for someone else to plan something.    As far as my other changes are going, well, the new suits came in handy.  Geez, what a thing....  I didn't think about that when I shopped.  I'm still making an effort with hair and makeup.  I'm still thinking about going online to meet a guy, but I looked at PlentyofFish.com, a site someone in California said they had used, and there weren't many guys in my age group in my area.  I'm still mulling over that.  Oh well, I've got to go cry some more....  so I finish up here.  I just had to write about her a little.  She was my oldest friend, and like we used to laugh about, the one who knoew me the longest and STILL liked me!  

Some Starts!

After much thoughts, pondering, obsessing and introspection, I came up with some things I need/want to change.  Some are superficial, some are going to take a while.  Here goes.....  it's a little scary putting this out into the universe....to admit, to myself, but mostly to others, that I need to change some stuff about me.  That kind of takes away the "All is well, it's all fine" persona.  But hey,  I didn't think this was going to be easy.

I need to change my look.  My style.  I need to go from boring, perhaps even a little frumpy, to modern.  I'm looking for a classic style, not hip, not trendy, just up to date and polished.  (Trust me, this isn't a list in order of importance!)  I need to use make up on a daily basis, not just for special occasions.  Not a lot, not goth eye circles, or Texas big-hair, just catch up to my peers in something I'm comfortable with.  Sweats are for the gym, and perhaps an errand to and fro, but not for everyday life out of work.  Clothes should fit, not just hang like a tent!  (I tend to keep wearing clothes I've undergrown!)....

     I need to expand my circle of friends, including guys!  I have a few good friends, and a large circle of acquaintances I know professionally.  BUT I tend to 'hang' with the same few, doing the same things, going the same places.  I need to break out...try new things, talk about new topics, go someplace outside my comfort zone.  I don't know how to make new friends.... it's such a common place thing when you're young.  Go to class, sit by someone, next thing you know you're at a party, or going for coffee, etc.  At 48, how do you casually ask someone new to do something...  Am I over thinking this?  I've worked in the same place for almost 2 decades...  Wouldn't it be weird if I asked my 'work' friends to go to the movies?  hmmm... and then the BIG thing... 
     I've NEVER asked a guy out.  It just wasn't done commonly when I was younger.  Then, after that, I always felt my weight got in the way.  I would certainly go out when asked, I just felt uncomfortable being the asker.  I've never gone on a blind date, because I felt that it would have been a BIG surprise for the guy.  My friends loved me, they usually never felt my weight was an issue, but I wouldn't let them fix me up.  I always thought the guy deserved to meet me first, in a group, and then could decide.  Wow....  maybe I over thought this too.  I went to the mall this week, there was a big make-up special.  Lord and Taylor's had 6 different make-up lines doing makeup makeovers and then a professional photographer took digital pictures of you.  I thought, if it turns out well, I might post it on a dating site, and try to meet a guy that way.  I'm just too out of practice to be flirty on line at the supermarket, or start a conversation in a bookstore, or anything else people recommend.  At least, online, I know the guy is also looking to meet someone.

OK, in summary, to ride the crest of the upcoming winds of change...I will
1.  Update/create a visual style.
2.  Make new friends.
3.  Meet a guy.

More to come....